Everyone suffers the same.
All of us have financial worries at some point and if we’re in a relationship at the time then that can have a big impact. Everything from losing your job to feeling overwhelmed by your debts can constitute the kinds of financial worries that can be difficult to deal with on your own. Money (or a lack of it) has a way of making everything feel more difficult even in the most beautiful and positive relationships. It can impact on your love life in many ways.
Dating might become difficult
Dating usually requires money so if you’re at the stage of a relationship where you’re trying to impress someone then it could start to suffer. Even in the age of equality where bills are shared and women aren’t expected to invest in a new dress/hairdo/shoes for every date the costs can still be considerable. If you’ve met someone and you’re suddenly hit with money problems then you might well start coming across as less willing to see them as a result.
Self-esteem can suffer
Financial worries make most of us feel inadequate to some degree or another especially if you end up having to rely on guarantor loans or doorstep loans to make ends meet. And feelings of inadequacy can push your self-esteem down through the floor. A drop in self-esteem could lead to more controlling and needy behaviours, seeking constant reassurance or expecting your partner to make you feel good more than you should. None of us is at our best when we have financial worries, which often makes relationships harder.
Trust can be broken
If you have financial problems and you’re too ashamed to admit them to another half – or you just want to deal with them alone -you may find that trust bonds end up being broken. This might be as a result of lying about the problems that you’re having or the steps that you’re taking to try and solve them. The classic tale is where one partner loses their job but is too ashamed to tell their partner and so keeps leaving the house at the same time every day dressed for work. Not seeking help from a partner – or simply not confiding in them – when times are tough can make ongoing trust problematic.
Priorities may become different
The importance of aligning financial priorities in a relationship is difficult to underestimate. If you have the same financial goals then you’re already on a path where you understand each other. Of course, we don’t stay the same during the course of our relationships, most of us change as we grow older. If you’re suddenly afflicted with money problems that you’ve never had before you might begin to realise how much both of you have changed in terms of how to handle those money problems – and what’s now important.
How to deal with financial worries to avoid relationship impact
- Keep talking to each other – if you are still working as a team then you’re still in it together
- Never lie about poor decisions or bad financial management – if you’ve made a mistake then admit it
- Speak to someone – there are counselors, specialist debt counselors and free online services where you can get advice if you have financial worries
- Work together – use the skills, resources and ideas that you have as a pair to get yourself back into the pink.